How a career change saved my personal life

Okay, maybe the title is a little dramatic. But looking back 6 years ago, I can hardly recognize myself. You see, like many of you, I’m a unique breed of perfectionist. And merging perfectionist tendencies with a career one’s passionate about can, and did, result in two outcomes: I was kick-ass at my job, and at the same time it was kicking my ass. Career success defined me . Each “win” at work was like a drug  – it validated parts of me that were not validated elsewhere. You see, public relations is all about control. You control the message, you control the content and at the end of the day, doing that controls how your clients view you. And maintaining that level of control , while aspiring to perfection , can be exhausting. So exhausting in fact that one day I blacked out on the bus to work. Out of nowhere, months of stress hit me like a proverbial ton of bricks.

Ironically, this professional chaos was joined by an equally tumultuous time in my personal life. That’s neither here nor there  but undoubtedly, they were interconnected. The more I could control at work, the more frustrated I became when I couldn’t control things at home.

Fast forward through a few weeks of support from family & friends – and a serious dose of perspective – I emerged from this time stronger & relatively unscathed. Apparently I had to hit my own rock bottom and float back up, to realize that I never wanted to be gasping for air like that again. 

In reflecting on this time, it’s ironic that soon after I made a career change out of something I was good at and genuinely enjoyed (not to mention, at a company I loved, full of talented people) into the unknown: innovation. I willfully threw myself into a career defined by constant gray. And you know what? I loved it, and love it to this day. The mantra “perfect is the enemy of good” defined my days. In innovation you iterate, progress, take a few steps back and start over, again and again. Like my old friend & current entrepreneur Chris Ronzio says, you learn to paint over your masterpieces. At first, this was maddening. But over time, I learned to accept that sometimes, while we have no control over the outcome, we do have control over the process and how we interact with it. And this was fascinating  –  I learned that I actually thrive on bringing chaos to order and confusion to clarity.

As I learned to roll with the punches and inevitably, learned that failing was okay (as long as you fail fast, and fail forward), I noticed a deep-seated change within. While I’ll always be driven, I’ve mellowed out. I’ve learned to appreciate uncertainty and thrive on the excitement it generates. Over the past few years, I’ve reconnected with who I am as a person –  pushing myself into the unknown. I’ve taken more risks in relationships, traveled more (solo travel, can I get a HELL YEAH), and treated myself to a spectacular(ly uncomfortable) New Year’s writing and yoga seminar. I’ve essentially pushed myself out of my comfort zone, and learned it’s where life begins. And I continue to push each day. Against perfection. Against the mold. Against control.