To lead, speak last

By no means am I an expert in this; in fact, I’m one of the worst offenders I know (how’s that for honesty). But to become a better leader at the office and beyond, we have to be able to identify our weaknesses.

I recently came across this advice on LinkedIn:

“Be the last to speak. Whether it’s in a meeting or 1-1, try really hard to speak after everyone else. It creates a feeling that your team is being heard…it’s so easy to want to problem solve and share your experience so you can help someone develop. It’s even harder to practice this skill when time is limited, and you may only have 30 minutes. There are times where if you use this skill, you may reach the end of the meeting and have said nothing. It’s okay. Your goal is to make people feel heard, not to fall in love with the sound of your own voice.

Now that’s some truth; vowing to become a better practitioner of this. One challenge that immediately comes to mind – to be an effective listener, it’s also incumbent on the speaker to be clear, concise and compelling in a world where effective verbal communication is becoming a lost art.

How do you balance deep listening with the need for speed in today’s corporate environment? Speed being the constant need for efficiency & quick decision-making given competing priorities.

Comment below.

 

Relatability, empathy, kindness: debunking “the myth of the nice girl”

Bianca Olson, SVP Corporate Affairs, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt


Bianca is one of the original girl bosses in my professional life. We worked together in the PR agency world and I always admired her friendly yet authoritative demeanor and serious style from afar (not true, we sat 20 feet from each other). Being in close physical proximity meant I, bright-eyed and fresh out of undergrad, picked up on most interactions and as a result, invaluable teaching moments.

Today, Bianca is Senior Vice President, Corporate Affairs at Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, a learning company that serves 50 million students and 3 million teachers in 150 countries, and is home to  brands like Carmen San Diego* and Curious George. We caught up in downtown Boston; this interview was condensed and edited for clarity.

*As a kid, I was OBSESSED with the Carmen San Diego computer game – when Bianca mentioned it, a light bulb went off. Seems I have the trench coat-clad character to thank for seeding my passion for travel at an early age.

Catching Up

Bianca, we worked together a decade ago and while you look exactly the same, I know a lot has changed. As a new mom, how are you adapting at work?

Becoming a mom when you’re more senior in your career has its pros and cons. By this stage, you’re pretty set in your ways, and have a certain schedule and way of getting things done. It took time for my husband and I to have our son – who is almost two years old now – and like any new parent, I want to spend as much time with him as possible. Seeing him before he goes to bed means leaving the office at 5pm. I used to have that time after hours to get things done; now, I’ve adjusted by coming in early and using that as my quiet, productive time. I would say I’m able to do more in less time now, though my husband would disagree with the “less time” part!


You were always efficient. Are you more disciplined now about only working on high value needs?

I try to be strategic about where I spend my time but the small things matter. I’ve talked to some people who say now that they have kids, they’re all business at the office – no small talk so they can do their job and leave. That’s just not me – it sounds terrible! While a good percentage of the organization is remote, most of my team is here in Boston, which I love. I oversee corporate affairs, which includes internal comms, external comms, corporate social responsibility, national events and sponsorships and our history initiatives so I view all of our work as incredibly high value. I love my team and what we do, and I believe that personal relationships are part of what make us effective in our jobs. Plus, we spend too much time at work not to have fun while we’re there.


Early Influences & Leadership Style

We’re very similar, both detail-oriented. How have you learned to relinquish control as you’ve risen through the ranks?

In communications, everything we do is visible, both internally and externally. With 4,000 employees, when something isn’t perfect, we hear about it – especially in a company and culture that values the written word. Part of being able to give up control is trusting the people you work with – that means hiring people who value the same things, like great writing and a similar obsession with details. All you can do is make sure you have the right team in place and create a culture of high standards. I’ve always believed that when you hand something off internally, it should be “client-ready” – that sentiment has carried over from my agency days.


I recently read: “Great bosses change us for the better. They see more in us than we see in ourselves, and they help us learn to see it too” (read more here). Who was one of your earliest professional influences?

I absolutely think that’s critical – a good leader trusts their team and helps them take on more than they thought they could. I’ve definitely benefited from that when I think about the great, early bosses I’ve had. My first boss in the agency world really instilled a sense of accountability from day one. He coached me to understand that even as the most junior person on the team, I was responsible for very important things. I still find myself doing things today that I picked up from those days – things as small as writing “AI” in my notebook when something is an “action item” to ensure it stands out. He taught me regardless of your position within the team or organization, you have to be highly accountable.


Such accountability probably helped shape your early professional successes. As a young manager, how did you try to develop your leadership style while still learning to lead yourself? What about situations where you’ve become a boss to a peer or someone who may have more experience than you?

I think relatability, empathy and kindness – all of those things – are important leadership skills. When becoming a manager of a peer or someone with more tenure, it helps to view yourself as a coach vs. a “manager.” A coach wants to make people feel supported in their work and empower them to do their best. When people view you as a supporter and a partner, age or experience is less of an issue.


Was there ever a point where you sat down and pointedly asked yourself: “what is my leadership style?”

Actually, yes. About 6 years ago, my manager at the time said to me: “you’re at the stage in your career where you need to think about what type of leader you want to be.” Until that point, I had focused on working hard, doing my best, being a good person and treating others with kindness and respect, and found if I did those things, I could be successful. But as you progress, sometimes those things aren’t enough and you need to be more intentional. I took a step back and looked at others who I thought were great leaders and who I wanted to emulate. And just as helpful, I thought about what I didn’t want to emulate. Sometimes you encounter people with a style you know is not the way you want to lead. In those cases, I tell myself “take a mental note right now & make sure you’re not doing that.” Those are valuable moments.


Intention is key so you can actively vs. passively become a certain type of leader. I recently attended a leadership seminar with the philosophy that there’s no set of inherent traits that inherently make a leader; if there were, people would see they’re missing certain characteristics and automatically screen themselves out as a good leader. So, the concept was that leadership is not determined by a set of qualities, but rather being an authentic listener. How would you respond to this?

I think that authentic listening is a leadership quality in itself, and there are certain traits that accompany it. Authentic listeners are present, they care and are genuinely interested. Those are all important qualities. But listening can’t stand alone; there has to be another side – things like decisiveness and the ability to put forth a vision, for instance.


Leaders must lead. I’ll never forget a time I was struggling at the office. A manager pulled me aside and stated he could tell something was going on that was impacting my work. He knew the quality of my work was of the utmost importance to me and no questions asked, told me to take a few days off to reset. He was kind, caring & direct.

That’s amazing. Great leaders care about their teams as people. We use Gallup for employee engagement benchmarking and they have a very prescriptive, twelve question methodology. Q10 asks: “do you have a best friend at work?”. It’s the first year the question’s been asked and everyone is talking about it. It made its way onto the list because after years of conducting the poll, Gallup saw that it was a critical factor in workplace engagement. It’s not necessarily about having a ‘best friend,’ but instead what lies beneath that – a certain level of closeness with people you work with. According to Gallup, at the end of the day, the best predictor of employee engagement is the people you work with.


Evolution

There’s clearly a thread of kindness and inclusiveness throughout our discussion. You must’ve learned these traits at a young age and then carried them into the workplace. On a personal level, who’s impacted you the most?

My mom is the most empathetic person I know, so I grew up learning to look at things from others’ perspectives. That’s been critical at work. Today, my husband continues to teach me things, like how important it is to stop talking sometimes, to say less. Have you seen those little cards at Paper Source? They’re intended as jokes to give out at cocktail parties, and some say “stop talking.” I bought them for Matt to give to me. He communicates very well with fewer words.


Ha! The older I get, I’m more and more impressed by people who are concise and crystal clear.

Yes! He’ll often say “I’m already sold, you don’t need to keep proving your point!” I think that’s a valuable lesson to carry over into my professional life and I try to remember it. You need to know when to stop selling.


This goes back to authentic listening. Many of us listen to react, be it to agree or disagree or to comment. Earlier you mentioned your approach to managing people at different levels. Conventional wisdom tells us as a leader, you can’t have all “A” players. How do you maximize “B” and “C” players’ contributions?

Interesting. Another question on the Gallup survey, Q3, asks whether people have the opportunity to do their best work every day. It’s about making sure the right people are in the right roles – identifying what people are motivated by and best at to help gauge where they’ll be most effective and most engaged. At the end of the day, people want their work to have an impact. HMH is in a double bottom line business so our work has a positive impact on society – that drives passion and meaning for a lot of people, but as a leader you also need to help make sure people are in roles where they can apply their talents. On the flip side, sometimes you need to acknowledge when the right role for someone may not be on your team or even within the company, and while it can be hard, you have to be honest about that.


It’s about getting someone to do their best work. Okay last question, and shifting gears a bit. You’ve always been very authentically you. How do you ensure your personal style doesn’t overshadow substance?

Individuality has worked for me. Of course knowing your audience is key – you need to be able to read the room – but if your personality plays to what you’re doing, it’s often welcome. I’m recalling a local event where some folks had a negative reaction to a speaker who was a senior-level female executive in the Boston business community because she didn’t come across as overly serious. I had the opposite reaction because I appreciated how genuine she was. She wasn’t trying to be too corporate or overly polished and she got to where she was because of that, or possibly despite that. To me, that’s refreshing and deserves respect.


Personality is what differentiates us.

Yes, and starting out in a predominantly female environment on the agency side, I don’t think I ever felt like I had to suppress my personality. It was never a male / female thing, but more about being in a supportive environment that values creativity. This reminds me of a book HMH published last year called “The Myth of the Nice Girl,” by Fran Hauser. Her premise is that women don’t have to sacrifice their values or hide their authentic selves to be successful. I’ve always challenged the notion that warmth and kindness are characteristics women should avoid; in fact, I think they’re what makes us such effective leaders. It’s like the Maya Angelou quote: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  For me, that’s what great leadership is about.


More on kindness & leadership?

Want more? This is our first interview, but other content is live:

How a career change saved my personal life

Okay, maybe the title is a little dramatic. But looking back 6 years ago, I can hardly recognize myself. You see, like many of you, I’m a unique breed of perfectionist. And merging perfectionist tendencies with a career one’s passionate about can, and did, result in two outcomes: I was kick-ass at my job, and at the same time it was kicking my ass. Career success defined me . Each “win” at work was like a drug  – it validated parts of me that were not validated elsewhere. You see, public relations is all about control. You control the message, you control the content and at the end of the day, doing that controls how your clients view you. And maintaining that level of control , while aspiring to perfection , can be exhausting. So exhausting in fact that one day I blacked out on the bus to work. Out of nowhere, months of stress hit me like a proverbial ton of bricks.

Ironically, this professional chaos was joined by an equally tumultuous time in my personal life. That’s neither here nor there  but undoubtedly, they were interconnected. The more I could control at work, the more frustrated I became when I couldn’t control things at home.

Fast forward through a few weeks of support from family & friends – and a serious dose of perspective – I emerged from this time stronger & relatively unscathed. Apparently I had to hit my own rock bottom and float back up, to realize that I never wanted to be gasping for air like that again. 

In reflecting on this time, it’s ironic that soon after I made a career change out of something I was good at and genuinely enjoyed (not to mention, at a company I loved, full of talented people) into the unknown: innovation. I willfully threw myself into a career defined by constant gray. And you know what? I loved it, and love it to this day. The mantra “perfect is the enemy of good” defined my days. In innovation you iterate, progress, take a few steps back and start over, again and again. Like my old friend & current entrepreneur Chris Ronzio says, you learn to paint over your masterpieces. At first, this was maddening. But over time, I learned to accept that sometimes, while we have no control over the outcome, we do have control over the process and how we interact with it. And this was fascinating  –  I learned that I actually thrive on bringing chaos to order and confusion to clarity.

As I learned to roll with the punches and inevitably, learned that failing was okay (as long as you fail fast, and fail forward), I noticed a deep-seated change within. While I’ll always be driven, I’ve mellowed out. I’ve learned to appreciate uncertainty and thrive on the excitement it generates. Over the past few years, I’ve reconnected with who I am as a person –  pushing myself into the unknown. I’ve taken more risks in relationships, traveled more (solo travel, can I get a HELL YEAH), and treated myself to a spectacular(ly uncomfortable) New Year’s writing and yoga seminar. I’ve essentially pushed myself out of my comfort zone, and learned it’s where life begins. And I continue to push each day. Against perfection. Against the mold. Against control.

Don’t wait for a sabbatical; make your own

A year has passed since I crossed a major item of my bucket list — last September, I completed a portion of the Camino de Santiago. More simply put, I walked 200 miles through Spain.

Clearly such a decision requires some explanation.

The Camino de Santiago is best described as a pilgrimage. Many complete the trek for religious reasons; others to fuel a period of change in their lives. For me, it promised time away to re-calibrate after three years of flat-out hustle (earning an MBA while working full-time) and to tackle thoughts brought on by my 30’s: who am I? what do I want? how can I serve?

So I mustered up the courage to ask for a few weeks off. What was the worst that could happen? I made the case and nearly a decade after first hearing about “The Way,” I set out on my camino armed with 2 weeks’ worth of gear and a lifetime of questions.

As I navigated my way through the northwestern part of the country — guided by markers pointing travelers in the right direction — I reveled in the fact that life was stripped down to the basics of just showing up & moving forward. Each morning pilgrims rise, walk, eat, walk some more & spend time with fellow travelers – for days on end. I was lucky enough to meet & share the journey with seven wonderful Spaniards — we swapped stories, laughed at language barriers and cried in empathy. We got blisters (or in my case, heat rash) and coped with aching muscles, but were rewarded with clear minds & bursting hearts. It’s difficult to describe, but the camino is simultaneously the hardest and easiest thing I’ve ever done. Attempting to put it into words feels like an injustice.

So, what I hope to convey is the importance of listening. Listening when your mind & body tell you it’s time for a break from the chaos & providing an opportunity to retreat within yourself. While some companies offer formal sabbaticals, most of us aren’t that lucky. It’s up to us to look out for our well-being & recognize when true disconnection can help us answer questions we never thought to ask.

10 years; 10 musings

It recently hit me – I’ve been in the workforce for 10+ years. This benchmark seems like as good a time as any to take a step back & reflect on a decade of lessons learned. Would love to hear – what principles guide your day-to-day? Below is a compilation of gathered wisdom infused with personal perspective.

1. Give a damn. Passion: what’s life without it? We spend most of our waking hours making a living. Give them meaning. Make the journey memorable.

2. Perception is the co-pilot to reality. Have never forgotten these words by Carla Harris. You are what you think. Learn to direct your thoughts; after all, beliefs are just thoughts you keep thinking.

3. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. No matter the message, your delivery has the greatest impact.

4. Say yes, and then figure it out. Earlier in my career, I was offered an opportunity to move to New York to build a business from the ground up. I hesitated and it cost me the job. Sometimes you just need to close your eyes, give a resounding yes & then figure it out. Point blank.

5. Never confuse motion with action. We’re all busy (perhaps busier than Ben Franklin was when he made this statement). We need to get better at moving forward the precious few things that matter and letting go of the rest. Action over motion, baby.

6. Just ask. Doesn’t matter what it is – a new opportunity, raise, promotion, time off (let’s hear it for Argentina, Iceland & Colombia in the books this past year!). Learn to advocate for yourself and have no qualms doing it.

7. And always ask forgiveness instead of permission. Be bold. Be smart, but be bold. Never be apologetic in your bias for action.

8. Respect others’ styles. I cringe looking back on how, in my PR days, I regularly edited a junior colleague’s email sign-off. There are many ways to get the job done – teach, but don’t clone.

9. Know your brand. We all have strengths, weaknesses. Own them and craft your story accordingly. Your brand changes over time; don’t hesitate to refresh it.

10. How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. Annie Dillard, I’ve just now hit my stride on this one. Make time for yourself each day, each week, each month to emerge from the chaos and simply check-in. The time to make a change is now.