What mountain are you on?

Have you ever read something that rings so inherently true that you feel the words, paraphrasing Bob Dylan, pour off the page? Rarely, but it’s likely happened. David Brooks’ recent New York Times opinion article, “The Moral Peril of Meritocracy,” rocked me to my core.

If you haven’t read it, it’s a must read.

When I rounded the last line, I realized warm tears were streaming down my face. I didn’t see a final period…I saw the continuation of my own narrative.

Brooks paints the picture of two types of people – first and second mountain people. First mountain people are focused on the self & the climb – “they’re trying to win the victories the ego enjoys,” he explains.

Second mountain people had something happen that “interrupted the linear existence they had imagined for themselves” and highlighted the pitfalls our meritocratic culture.

I’m not quite a full-fledged second mountain person, but I’m definitely done with the first.

My first mountain looked like that of many others – born into an extraordinary family, I enjoyed a memorable childhood. I had hobbies, played sports and worked hard in school. I made friends easily, excelled in college and landed a great job during the 2008 recession. My climb continued. I was promoted, bought my own condo, was promoted again. Because working 60+ hours a week wasn’t enough, I threw in business school! I dated and was blessed with a strong network of adult friends.

But I wasn’t happy. Hear me out – I’m deeply proud of these accomplishments and there were many, many moments of joy but reaching these societal benchmarks did not bring me the overall happiness I sought.

It took meeting a wonderful man – the one piece I thought missing from my life – and still feeling unsettled to come to the difficult realization that I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. Climbing the first mountain, I lost who I was at the base – a fun-loving kid who wore crazy, mismatched clothes and didn’t care what people thought. I had been waiting for someone to complete me. I needed to complete me.

Realizing you’re the cause of your own unhappiness is devastating. Happiness can be a choice, and I had been actively choosing against it. I finally realized the first mountain wasn’t my mountain and as Brooks says, was ready for a larger one.

The past few years have been transformative. I wallowed in the valley for a bit and then began my second climb. You know the moment – when you stop waiting for life to begin, once everything is in place, and just start living.

Last year, I fell head over heels and while I was devastated the relationship didn’t work out, it was also a relief to know I can feel to those depths. I’m still extremely dedicated to my career, but it no longer defines me. The quality of my relationships does. I’ve never been closer to family & friends and no longer shy away from quiet moments because I like the company I keep and what I see in the mirror.

Like many of you, I’m still seeking the second mountain “commitment” Brooks describes. So, I’m focusing on what lights me up – travel, meeting new people, good food, fulfilling work. I haven’t summited yet but am enjoying surrounding myself with as many second mountain people I can find.