The damaging effects of minimizing language
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry.”
“Oops, sorry.”
“Sorry, my bad.”
“Don’t say sorry, you needed to open your locker.”
A woman finally broke the stream of “s” words ping ponging across the locker room. Ladies, we sound ridiculous. This is not a Justin Bieber song. We need to stop apologizing for everything.
Throwing the word around as a catch all – when there’s nothing to be sorry for – minimizes its meaning and diminishes our presence. Essentially, we’re apologizing for taking up space.
We all do it and when you step back and listen to it – as I did at the gym the other morning – you realize it’s embarrassing, not to mention exhausting.
Our frequent use of “sorry” erodes its meaning in instances where it does, in fact, really matter. When used as filler – e.g., saying “I’m sorry, but…” in a meeting – the words immediately minimize the contribution we’re about to make. Let me say that again – when we use minimizing language, we diminish ourselves, our presence and our contributions.
Since this observation (and by no means is this an original observation, many an article has been written on this topic), I’ve been much more cognizant of when and how I use the phrase in my own day-to-day. Starting today, let’s commit to owning our language. Alternate phrases like the below are more appropriate options & help us save the use of “I’m sorry” for when it’s truly needed.
Running into someone – “Excuse me”
Running late – “Thanks for waiting for me”
Resisting a thought – “Interesting point, but….”
Receiving feedback – “Thanks for sharing, I didn’t realize”
Have other tips and tricks for avoiding the “I’m sorry” trap? Share below.
This is a complex topic and sometimes, women intentionally choose this language in corporate settings. After completing this article, I came across an episode of HBR’s “Women at Work” podcast on this very topic – ironically, with the same name. Take a listen for more from the experts.
6 Comments
This article really made me think about how often I use an apologetic tone. Your statement regarding minimizing language and how it diminishes our impact, presence and contributions is something I will be pondering with the goal of making some personal communication adjustments! Thanks Jess!
Glad you found it useful – thanks for sharing. Next time we see each other we can trade advice re: how we’ve made the communication changes, or have struggled to do so!
Hey Jess,
Excellent point! During the second democratic presidential debate I noticed one of the female candidates apologized for going beyond her allotted time. I couldn’t believe she did it, she gave up her power and looked weak.
Great point. This message is especially important in politics.
Thanks Jess. I have been trying to apply this in my work life for the last year. Between “sorry” and “just wanted to let you know”, I find language has an opportunity to give you confidence and influence or completely erode it. My new language is “I appreciate your patience, let’s get started”.
Thanks for weighing in, Sara – really like your line: “I appreciate your patience, let’s get started.” I will be listening for that in meetings & will have to come up with my own take.
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