Fresh off a week-long vacation in Cape Cod, I’m mentally “preparing” for fall. 

Like many of you, I enjoyed summer to the fullest (beach days, campfires, carefree time with family and friends, etc.) but while soaking in the last bits of sun, I found myself craving a return to routine. I’ve always cherished this time of year – when spontaneity winds down, structure resurfaces and the cooler air starts to seep in. As F. Scott Fitzgerald once said, “life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall.”

With the change of seasons comes a natural time to reset and I’m focusing on two lifestyle practices for the remainder of the year. In one area, I’ve made a lot of progress; in the other, I’m just beginning. What are your fall intentions?

1. Strive for Work Life Harmony, Not Balance

Stop for a minute and think about the definition of ‘balance,” which means “an even distribution of weight.” Are our lives ever in perfect equilibrium?

No, balance is fluid and mentally bucketing our time into two distinct categories (‘life’ and ‘work’) insinuates something’s wrong when one takes precedence over the other. Some days, work is a priority; others, disconnection is. While on vacation last week, I logged on nearly every day and it didn’t bother me in the least – when needed, I’m happy to lean in given the general gift of time to lean out. The more I view time as fluid, the more harmony I feel. Freeing yourself from a strict “work” vs. “life” schedule minimizes mental trade-offs.

[Aside: Speaking of work life harmony, I’m often at my best when working with a change of scenery. Based out of an office, I spend a lot of time on the road or in my home office. I’m used to being productive anywhere and everywhere so the fact that more and more employers are allowing employees to work remotely intrigues me. Read more here. And who knows, maybe I’ll be in the market for a NODE someday.]

2. Start Your Day with Inspiration, Not Information

Nearly all of us do it – we use our phones as alarm clocks so the second we open our eyes, our brains are processing. Since a friend shared the sentiment “Start your day with inspiration, not information,” I’ve made a conscious effort to do a few things in the 30 min before the synapses start firing at full speed:

• 10 min. meditation: The Headspace app is approachable, offering courses ranging from 3 to 20 minutes {spoiler alert – an upcoming interview is with a Headspace #girlboss}.

• 5 min. reflection: After meditation, I journal any thoughts or feelings I want to make myself aware of or revisit.

• 15 min. news: I read theSkimm (or the NYT for anything I want more detail on) and The Hustle before checking any email. This helps me focus big picture and ensure ‘staying informed’ doesn’t turn into an email backlog. World view before your view.

This morning routine is new but the benefits are felt throughout the day. Come bedtime, I’ll be jotting down 3 things I’m grateful for each day to help appreciation outweigh expectation.

What daily routines do you have to share?

Have you ever read something that rings so inherently true that you feel the words, paraphrasing Bob Dylan, pour off the page? Rarely, but it’s likely happened. David Brooks’ recent New York Times opinion article, “The Moral Peril of Meritocracy,” rocked me to my core.

If you haven’t read it, it’s a must read.

When I rounded the last line, I realized warm tears were streaming down my face. I didn’t see a final period…I saw the continuation of my own narrative.

Brooks paints the picture of two types of people – first and second mountain people. First mountain people are focused on the self & the climb – “they’re trying to win the victories the ego enjoys,” he explains.

Second mountain people had something happen that “interrupted the linear existence they had imagined for themselves” and highlighted the pitfalls our meritocratic culture.

I’m not quite a full-fledged second mountain person, but I’m definitely done with the first.

My first mountain looked like that of many others – born into an extraordinary family, I enjoyed a memorable childhood. I had hobbies, played sports and worked hard in school. I made friends easily, excelled in college and landed a great job during the 2008 recession. My climb continued. I was promoted, bought my own condo, was promoted again. Because working 60+ hours a week wasn’t enough, I threw in business school! I dated and was blessed with a strong network of adult friends.

But I wasn’t happy. Hear me out – I’m deeply proud of these accomplishments and there were many, many moments of joy but reaching these societal benchmarks did not bring me the overall happiness I sought.

It took meeting a wonderful man – the one piece I thought missing from my life – and still feeling unsettled to come to the difficult realization that I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. Climbing the first mountain, I lost who I was at the base – a fun-loving kid who wore crazy, mismatched clothes and didn’t care what people thought. I had been waiting for someone to complete me. I needed to complete me.

Realizing you’re the cause of your own unhappiness is devastating. Happiness can be a choice, and I had been actively choosing against it. I finally realized the first mountain wasn’t my mountain and as Brooks says, was ready for a larger one.

The past few years have been transformative. I wallowed in the valley for a bit and then began my second climb. You know the moment – when you stop waiting for life to begin, once everything is in place, and just start living.

Last year, I fell head over heels and while I was devastated the relationship didn’t work out, it was also a relief to know I can feel to those depths. I’m still extremely dedicated to my career, but it no longer defines me. The quality of my relationships does. I’ve never been closer to family & friends and no longer shy away from quiet moments because I like the company I keep and what I see in the mirror.

Like many of you, I’m still seeking the second mountain “commitment” Brooks describes. So, I’m focusing on what lights me up – travel, meeting new people, good food, fulfilling work. I haven’t summited yet but am enjoying surrounding myself with as many second mountain people I can find.

Okay, maybe the title is a little dramatic. But looking back 6 years ago, I can hardly recognize myself. You see, like many of you, I’m a unique breed of perfectionist. And merging perfectionist tendencies with a career one’s passionate about can, and did, result in two outcomes: I was kick-ass at my job, and at the same time it was kicking my ass. Career success defined me . Each “win” at work was like a drug  – it validated parts of me that were not validated elsewhere. You see, public relations is all about control. You control the message, you control the content and at the end of the day, doing that controls how your clients view you. And maintaining that level of control , while aspiring to perfection , can be exhausting. So exhausting in fact that one day I blacked out on the bus to work. Out of nowhere, months of stress hit me like a proverbial ton of bricks.

Ironically, this professional chaos was joined by an equally tumultuous time in my personal life. That’s neither here nor there  but undoubtedly, they were interconnected. The more I could control at work, the more frustrated I became when I couldn’t control things at home.

Fast forward through a few weeks of support from family & friends – and a serious dose of perspective – I emerged from this time stronger & relatively unscathed. Apparently I had to hit my own rock bottom and float back up, to realize that I never wanted to be gasping for air like that again. 

In reflecting on this time, it’s ironic that soon after I made a career change out of something I was good at and genuinely enjoyed (not to mention, at a company I loved, full of talented people) into the unknown: innovation. I willfully threw myself into a career defined by constant gray. And you know what? I loved it, and love it to this day. The mantra “perfect is the enemy of good” defined my days. In innovation you iterate, progress, take a few steps back and start over, again and again. Like my old friend & current entrepreneur Chris Ronzio says, you learn to paint over your masterpieces. At first, this was maddening. But over time, I learned to accept that sometimes, while we have no control over the outcome, we do have control over the process and how we interact with it. And this was fascinating  –  I learned that I actually thrive on bringing chaos to order and confusion to clarity.

As I learned to roll with the punches and inevitably, learned that failing was okay (as long as you fail fast, and fail forward), I noticed a deep-seated change within. While I’ll always be driven, I’ve mellowed out. I’ve learned to appreciate uncertainty and thrive on the excitement it generates. Over the past few years, I’ve reconnected with who I am as a person –  pushing myself into the unknown. I’ve taken more risks in relationships, traveled more (solo travel, can I get a HELL YEAH), and treated myself to a spectacular(ly uncomfortable) New Year’s writing and yoga seminar. I’ve essentially pushed myself out of my comfort zone, and learned it’s where life begins. And I continue to push each day. Against perfection. Against the mold. Against control.